*As always, what is written here is meant to be shared.
Blessings. Serena, Lady of the Woods
http://serenaladyofthewoods.blogspot.com/
*Edit: 12/24/2019 see below.
Hello People.....
There have been many times I've wanted to say something here, to reveal something, to give us something to contemplate etc, and I just don't do it. Something has been lost....I don't know where its gone. Mostly I just cannot seem to articulate well, and so writing has become a lost art.
As an empath, and as you readers who are also empaths, maybe you can relate and connect with me about your own experience and feelings?
Just to list some things I've "lost" or maybe, possibly what has been stolen.....are:
~creativity - I have always been an artist, always working on projects, creating things, sewing, cooking, crafting, designing, creating beauty everywhere. This year I began many projects fro macrame, to calligraphy, to cooking, to garden crafts, only to have left all those beautiful things alone, doing nothing with them even though I have alot of time. I just have no desire.
~inspiration - I have always had inspiration, to create, to move, make something beautiful every single day, to garden, ..... anything and everything.......now I can't seem to move. I look at the raw materials and sadly walk away from them.
~memory - I have forgotten way too many important things, things I want to and should remember. I can even create a wonderful new recipe for a great meal, and the next week totally forget what I did, what I put in it. I recently bought a wok for all the asian dishes I wanted to create and cannot even remember the first dish I made or what went in it and cannot do it again. I've never forgotten great recipes before. I just re-listened to an old astrology reading I got and it felt like another lifetime.
~positive outlook _ I tell myself if I'm not inspired there is always tomorrow. This always worked and the next day I'd be back to my usual busy self. Lately, tomorrows have gone into months.
~energy to do anything - I understood getting tired from being busy all the time and down time was necessary, and a day was enough to rejuvenate me. Now day after day, month after month I find myself in bed by 3pm, and the scary part is it doesn't matter if I've done anything or not.
~forcing "doing things" - I always knew how to pep talk myself back into action, talk myself into doing things, or to enliven a lax spirit. Pictures, music and other women have inspired me, but now, they don't.....nothing is working.....and days and months are going by with me doing nothing.
~healthy habits - I've always worked out, jogged and did weights, eaten organically.....now just walking is a monumental thing. And I eat for comfort, it feels like drugs. I thought that was bad, but I find I cannot do anything further than in-home.
~interest in anything including my passions - I don't know where they've all gone. I can see the beauty in my mind, or in pictures, but nothing moves me inside anymore, or if they do and I get the beauty done, it is very short lived.
~moving my body for any reason - for the first time in my life, I am sitting in a chair for hours not moving at all. This seems a miraculous feat for someone like me who was always and loved to move being busy until I drop at night satisfied at all my accomplishments. Now I cannot move nor do I want to.
~the sun is far too bright - I love seeing it outside and I love that the plants love it and I do too for short bursts, but inside I prefer now to draw the curtains and light my Himalayan salt lamps and candles only for ambient light. I can only tolerate gentle lighting.
And I learned just today that this is happening to many people, so I can stop suspecting I've been damaged beyond repair, that there is something common amongst many people.
The best term for this seems to be "Spiritual Flat-lining" ....the pulse is alive, but is faint and so weak that nothing is moving. The dark chaos is pandemic and paralyzing the Authentic Spirits on this planet, those empaths and living "souls/spirits" (those terms used vaguely as no definition seems concrete) to the point where we no longer can feel our own lifeforce......OR our Authentic Spirits/Souls have moved on and left our bodies here hence we are no longer able to feel anything that is of the divine for example, inspiration, passion, creativity, love, joy, effervescence etc. Imagination seems stagnant.
It feels like the most vital parts of ourselves have vacated or been taken away, and what is left is only biology, and the necessary functions of such.
Some animals at the moment just before being pounced on by the attacker, will play dead. Do we?
I want to postulate this on a positive note and say that maybe it is because our Authentic Selves have left to a place that is more conducive to supporting our Spirits, a benevolent and loving space, and what has been left is what is essentially useless? Maybe we are removing the parts of ourselves that have been typically for eons hijacked by the nefarious ones for dark purposes and to protect ourselves we have moved away? Maybe we have been taken to a "protective holding space" for example the Protective Spheres I created some years ago for those Real Humans who were locked into this false matrix, and in that holding space we find our bodies here (and hence life) to be pointless? Yet remain for a ruse?
I feel deeply that Authentic Spirits cannot be "taken over" per se, and so we must have gone away. What is left here feels empty and lifeless, pointless, and the passions of creativity can not occupy a Spiritless/Soulless body.....but yet we are somewhere protecting our real selves. What remains here is just a ghost for the purpose of "ruse" or "fooling" those who still think they can hijack our souls/spirits, and there is nothing here for them anymore. Yet we remain....to keep up the facade of "their game".....so as not to instigate an all out war or to assuage the "final takeover" by any and all means by the nefarious ones.
Does this make any sense? I'm feeling this. All of it.
Also, today I received a video I want to post here as this beautiful woman expressed precisely what I am feeling.
Does this sound like any of you?
If so, what do you make of it?
Can you share?
*Edit note: It is important to note that what I'm describing is not depression. I had that before for a while and this is not it. Depression is a black state of heart and mind. It is dark and has negative thoughts and feelings, a futility that is angry or surrendered, oppressed and/or disconsolate. What I describe above is more like being in a huge void of uncharted space at the same time with the heart, mind and spirit being "on hold" or in temporary stasis. I know I'm "still here" as I've found some beautiful vloggers who vlog/film their lives and the peacefulness of home life (when one is at peace) and I enjoy those very much, so I'm very feeling still, unlike a depressed state that is not touched by beauty.
Blessings. Serena, Lady of the Woods
http://serenaladyofthewoods.blogspot.com/
*Edit: 12/24/2019 see below.
Hello People.....
There have been many times I've wanted to say something here, to reveal something, to give us something to contemplate etc, and I just don't do it. Something has been lost....I don't know where its gone. Mostly I just cannot seem to articulate well, and so writing has become a lost art.
As an empath, and as you readers who are also empaths, maybe you can relate and connect with me about your own experience and feelings?
Just to list some things I've "lost" or maybe, possibly what has been stolen.....are:
~creativity - I have always been an artist, always working on projects, creating things, sewing, cooking, crafting, designing, creating beauty everywhere. This year I began many projects fro macrame, to calligraphy, to cooking, to garden crafts, only to have left all those beautiful things alone, doing nothing with them even though I have alot of time. I just have no desire.
~inspiration - I have always had inspiration, to create, to move, make something beautiful every single day, to garden, ..... anything and everything.......now I can't seem to move. I look at the raw materials and sadly walk away from them.
~memory - I have forgotten way too many important things, things I want to and should remember. I can even create a wonderful new recipe for a great meal, and the next week totally forget what I did, what I put in it. I recently bought a wok for all the asian dishes I wanted to create and cannot even remember the first dish I made or what went in it and cannot do it again. I've never forgotten great recipes before. I just re-listened to an old astrology reading I got and it felt like another lifetime.
~positive outlook _ I tell myself if I'm not inspired there is always tomorrow. This always worked and the next day I'd be back to my usual busy self. Lately, tomorrows have gone into months.
~energy to do anything - I understood getting tired from being busy all the time and down time was necessary, and a day was enough to rejuvenate me. Now day after day, month after month I find myself in bed by 3pm, and the scary part is it doesn't matter if I've done anything or not.
~forcing "doing things" - I always knew how to pep talk myself back into action, talk myself into doing things, or to enliven a lax spirit. Pictures, music and other women have inspired me, but now, they don't.....nothing is working.....and days and months are going by with me doing nothing.
~healthy habits - I've always worked out, jogged and did weights, eaten organically.....now just walking is a monumental thing. And I eat for comfort, it feels like drugs. I thought that was bad, but I find I cannot do anything further than in-home.
~interest in anything including my passions - I don't know where they've all gone. I can see the beauty in my mind, or in pictures, but nothing moves me inside anymore, or if they do and I get the beauty done, it is very short lived.
~moving my body for any reason - for the first time in my life, I am sitting in a chair for hours not moving at all. This seems a miraculous feat for someone like me who was always and loved to move being busy until I drop at night satisfied at all my accomplishments. Now I cannot move nor do I want to.
~the sun is far too bright - I love seeing it outside and I love that the plants love it and I do too for short bursts, but inside I prefer now to draw the curtains and light my Himalayan salt lamps and candles only for ambient light. I can only tolerate gentle lighting.
And I learned just today that this is happening to many people, so I can stop suspecting I've been damaged beyond repair, that there is something common amongst many people.
The best term for this seems to be "Spiritual Flat-lining" ....the pulse is alive, but is faint and so weak that nothing is moving. The dark chaos is pandemic and paralyzing the Authentic Spirits on this planet, those empaths and living "souls/spirits" (those terms used vaguely as no definition seems concrete) to the point where we no longer can feel our own lifeforce......OR our Authentic Spirits/Souls have moved on and left our bodies here hence we are no longer able to feel anything that is of the divine for example, inspiration, passion, creativity, love, joy, effervescence etc. Imagination seems stagnant.
It feels like the most vital parts of ourselves have vacated or been taken away, and what is left is only biology, and the necessary functions of such.
Some animals at the moment just before being pounced on by the attacker, will play dead. Do we?
I want to postulate this on a positive note and say that maybe it is because our Authentic Selves have left to a place that is more conducive to supporting our Spirits, a benevolent and loving space, and what has been left is what is essentially useless? Maybe we are removing the parts of ourselves that have been typically for eons hijacked by the nefarious ones for dark purposes and to protect ourselves we have moved away? Maybe we have been taken to a "protective holding space" for example the Protective Spheres I created some years ago for those Real Humans who were locked into this false matrix, and in that holding space we find our bodies here (and hence life) to be pointless? Yet remain for a ruse?
I feel deeply that Authentic Spirits cannot be "taken over" per se, and so we must have gone away. What is left here feels empty and lifeless, pointless, and the passions of creativity can not occupy a Spiritless/Soulless body.....but yet we are somewhere protecting our real selves. What remains here is just a ghost for the purpose of "ruse" or "fooling" those who still think they can hijack our souls/spirits, and there is nothing here for them anymore. Yet we remain....to keep up the facade of "their game".....so as not to instigate an all out war or to assuage the "final takeover" by any and all means by the nefarious ones.
Does this make any sense? I'm feeling this. All of it.
Also, today I received a video I want to post here as this beautiful woman expressed precisely what I am feeling.
Does this sound like any of you?
If so, what do you make of it?
Can you share?
*Edit note: It is important to note that what I'm describing is not depression. I had that before for a while and this is not it. Depression is a black state of heart and mind. It is dark and has negative thoughts and feelings, a futility that is angry or surrendered, oppressed and/or disconsolate. What I describe above is more like being in a huge void of uncharted space at the same time with the heart, mind and spirit being "on hold" or in temporary stasis. I know I'm "still here" as I've found some beautiful vloggers who vlog/film their lives and the peacefulness of home life (when one is at peace) and I enjoy those very much, so I'm very feeling still, unlike a depressed state that is not touched by beauty.
I also want to post this here instead of directly contacting you so everyone can see this message to help make sense of this for others.
ReplyDeleteYou're suffering from extreme emotional exhaustion, Serena. You have been through so much that it has taken a serious emotional toll on your body, mind and spirit. You need healing and rest which is something not easy to come by for people like us in this garbage chute of a world of so-called "humans" who most of them are really jokesters and clowns with egos bigger than their assess! I was just reminded of how I felt this way in my early 20s, and late 2007 was the worst with this feeling. I had no desire to do anything, and felt emotionally numb and empty. I lost all desire to do the things that I enjoyed. It was quite disturbing a bit looking back. Right now, it reminds me of how I feel this still though at least not to the point of losing any joy in things I like to do with myself. Just emotionally limited in energy to the point of needing power naps a lot along with premature graying of my beard hair that is slowly creeping up. Been napping a lot to clear my mind when I become drained and stressed at least, so that works for me. Isolating myself from the world doesn't help as I done that for five years already when I took time off from working and having to be out in the world with people daily by the way nor I want to run away from something that I can't escape from as long as I'm still here in a body. Isolation isn't the answer for me personally as I tried that already, so I'm not speaking for anyone else here.
Anyway, I feel similar right now in the sense of not feeling right as if I'm failing myself in some way. I'm just disillusioned right now which is why I have been within myself and doing things to keep myself mentally stable. At least I have my immigration that still run as wilds as ever. The number one things that keeps me happy enough.