A space where I, as an Empath, in these incredible times, describe my senses of Earth and Human Energies happening both in my inner world and in the outer, where I resolutely claim my Feminine Mind, Heart and Spirit and Wisdom. This blog is not for the feint of heart nor for closed minds, it is open to the infinite realities of this universe. I hope you join me and share with those who have eyes to see and ears to hear.

Sunday, December 20, 2015

Interview With a Mercenary with Wayne Bush


Experience of a demiurge.

I went there, being a glutton for punishment it seems, though I did not expect to hear the horrors of another male minded psychopath. He is referred to simply as ''guest'' in this interview.
My intention was to hear of the after death experience and his meeting with this father/demiurge god of brassy face and white flowing beard guy.....I began listening but got sick of the workings of this mans mind like his example of ''how people think'' he says ''you know, that 'people' always have two intentions like, "I like you and I wanna take you on a date' but really I wanna have sex with you.''.....was the example he gave as if this type of thinking was simply universal!!!
NO, guest, no. Not everyone has two intentions for everything they intend. Some actually have single intentions that are simple and pure. What a concept, eh?!

He admits to being a killer and that was all he could think of, of women and children too.....all ''collateral damage'', a euphemism that hypnotizes people ignoring its true meaning.
 A quote: "He says today if we fought wars like God wants us to, then we would do what God says. And here's what God says: to destroy our enemies, to kill their women, their children, their cattle, burn their crops, and bash their babies' brains against the rocks. Now that might not be word for word, but it's there." ...........And we would say things like "Nuke them 'til they glow", "Turn Iran into a sea of glass" and we sang these horrible, awful songs: "We're gonna rape, kill, pillage, burn... we're gonna rape, kill, pillage burn. And eat babies." And then we sang all these songe we triumphed over being evil. I mean, not triumphed over it. We became THAT.''

I croak everytime I hear a man giving us examples of what they think is how ''people think'' not realizing it is specific to how MEN think but of course they're not thinking its just them! This planet is rife with this global mental phallacy of mind such that the entire populations of this planet no longer understand there are ubiquitous differences between how womens minds work and how mens minds work. One must with great and sincere respect ask women to find out what they truly think, but it is assumed by men that women think the same way. Unfortunately women also assume men think (and feel) as they do and they are equally wrong. I cannot stress how worlds apart it is especially with women who have not been brainwashed or inculcated into global left-brainsim.
So I had to skip to go to the transcript to bypass his mind....it was really painful to listen to him, even read, but I wanted to hear of this demiurge, what was seen, and I'm listing below points of interest.
Also it is important to note that Wayne kept interrupting this 'guest' trying to summarize what he was saying with his own wording and this guest had to keep saying 'no...' and explaining a different view. important.

I will also state, that alot has been assumed here by these men in this interview, that much has been understood amongst each other, such as concepts of ''game'', ''total control'', ''contracts/agreements'', ''deceit'', "competition", ''manipulations'', "following gods desires by killing those god hates",  ''gate keepers'', ''scoring'', ''computer games'', "think-tanks" etc.....are all concepts foreign to my feminine mind, all egregiously demonstrate the assumptions of shared understandings these men have that are completely alien to me, that are rife with male-ness that has no clue as to any alternative.
All of those words/concepts are foreign to me.
I do not conceive of them, nor do I agree with any of them. I see these abnormalities all so clearly with the resulting disastrous effects which this common-all-pervasive-infection of left brainsism sickens global society, destroys the feeling nature, the senses, destroys the numinous, destroys our spirits and souls, and all things lofty, gentle and kind. All such concepts as ''gaming'' and ''think tanks'' and ''war upons'' perceptions are all taken for granted....is considered ''normal''.. They are far from 'normal', though unfortunately they are 'common'.......''the way things are'' and such are aberrations. What is common and normal for them are mistakes of abnormalities to me. I encourage more feminine thinking amongst those who wish to escape this matrix.
Let there be no mistake, nor any willful ignorance or head in the ass type of denial, this demiurge is all male, and against all things feminine. It is right up there up front and center to be seen, we are swimming in it. And yes I am making it known and writing about that which people still! in this late day and age, still want to bury under the maggot filled, threadbare rotten rug. I am not creating ''separation'', I am pointing out the separation that is being psychotically and compulsively ignored.

Onward.....
In my examination of late, of this planet being controlled completely by darkness and that its (his) purpose is to keep it that way....I am examining all that speaks to this. No need to believe now, just collecting all the information that is pointing to this. And there is much evidence at every turn.

My own personal experience of this was an incident 2 years ago, a ''dictum'' with the head demon himself, who without invitation came to me and spoke as I was deeply pondering this world and its plight....his voice came into my head interrupting my train of calm thinking and said:  ''I own the 3rd dimension and 4th dimensions. You are free to go if you can redeem yourself/ves."
I have not understood to this day what he meant by ''redeeming ourselves'', as it does not follow the meanings listed in dictionaries. There was some esoteric meaning in which he used this word "redeem". But I found this intrusion into my mind and world disturbing in that it was clearly heard and communicated and that he would bother to say this to me.....for what reason? I ponder still. To try to understand this I felt into the incident, and I felt his leering, his hubris, his hatred for woman. He was snarky and proud in the most twisted way. I think this is why he came to me, a woman....to drive his nail.


From link below, interesting info there and this interview from a mans perspective and his experiences with a demiurge/father/god/misogynist/psychopath.

 http://www.trickedbythelight.com/tbtl/nde-transcript.html


*Note; I started off with my own summations, but I chose to simply copy/paste some quotes.....but I  underlined my words.

*first point was this ''guests'' last point, is that this planet is going to explode and END. That's first.....so lifes a bitch, then we go boom. Wayne thinks this is a beautiful ending to a movie. Effin odd how they think of all this on Earth as ''entertainment'', or ''challenges'' or ''a game'' or a ''theatre'', ''IF-THEN-(or) ELSE contract codes'', and all of that ilk. I don't get this, its foreign and dangerously retarded thinking. But common.

* That the way to "get into his perception of heaven'' which was a cube with walls and square shaped, is through love, kindness, mercy, compassion, all those sentiments associated with the qualities of (unmolested/unbrainwashed) woman. Hence we can understand this demiurges ways on this planet, his misogyny and subjugation of woman throughout history, all things of male dominance and their destructions, murderings, killings, pedophiliacs etc.....to destroy those feminine virtues. And that though this is the entrace he says to get to 'heaven', that square one, yet here on Earth where we live, when you do exercise such virtues they will send those agents to come in and destroy you and your close ones because your light is throwing the demiurges ''balance'' out of whack.

*this demiurge is a father figure and its all about HIS game, there is no female equivalent nor partner, nor feminine presence, its a father thing and all about absolute total control over the creation of the original god who this 'guest' says had a feminine presence, because it wasn't the hateful father god he was used to. However, his perception of this god loving or not was from a cubed shaped 'heaven'....in a spaceship type thing...and this is suspect too. Demiurges apparently come in octaves.

*the percentage of light here is 2/3 and the dark is 1/3, and this is the 'balance' figure that keeps this 'game' going. Go down to 50/50 and it WILL BE THE PEOPLE THEMSELVES who will end his game in which he FAILS, its GAME OVER for this father/demon/demiurge guy, so he makes sure the Light beings come in and do some good to keep this 2/3-1/3 ratio of his going on and on, the game alive.


*there is no saving anything ''its not about saving this planet'' is ALL ABOUT THIS FATHER DEMIURGE'S GAME, from murders, to raping of women, to mutilations, to war, all of it.....to prove he is better than "Light". !make sense?

''I'm talking about this Demiurge, or whatever you want to call it, the guy who does all the contracts. He records everything. He's like the Producer, okay, and he's producing this show. It's HIS show.''


*after his meeting with this loving being/god?, he is dismissed and begins to fall...finds himself surrounded by orbs of other types of beings all in queue line for a very dark door, he's falling now through space and a chinese looking dragon behind him. He looks back and sees this place he was in:
''Well, it could have been rectangular but the perspective of it was so huge and giant but it had a top, a bottom, sides, and it could have been a rectangle but it seemed like a square... cube... whatever. And this is pre Star Trek Borg, you know. I understood this before then. It was square, It was like a big, gigantic metal spaceship. It's flyng...floating in space and it ain't a planet, you know. It ain't round. it's got that door, the inverse. Walking out it's dark, but when you look back it's light.'' (so those who die see the light, but from inside its dark)


*Wayne: Okay, so all of a sudden you stopped. You're entering the Earth's atmosphere. [Guest: Right.] [Guest: BAM!!] Then BAM!! What happened? Guest: I'm like right in front of this Norman Rockwell kinda of looking guy -- big, long flowing white hair... big white beard... [Wayne: Sounds like Santa Claus ] ...nah, it aint't that. You ain't gonna think it's Santa Claus after this although a lot of people... we'll talk about that later... He had burning, red eyes... brassy face... brass-colored face. But he's translucent kinda like the gold up in 'heaven', whatever you want to call that place. And he's SEVERE. This guy's not somebody that you wanna mess with. I mean, he's just full of SERIOUS intent. I mean, very, very serious guy and he's got all these star maps and he's showing them to me and I'm like absorbing it and he's trying to explain to me everything and I'm having to make some agreements to go into a body and he's showing me why. THIS star's aligned with THIS and THIS galaxy and THIS planet and THIS, THAT and it's like these maps.

"this demiurge causes waves on the planet, the light that pulls up and the dark that pulls down. the Light pulled UP, the Darkness pulled DOWN and it was a perfect balance to him. And he was trying to explain to me how HE was superior to the Light. Okay. How WAS he superior? Because he had this thing balanced. Everybody lined up for miles and miles to come here because they wanted to experience what he has, and what he has is this perfect balance of 1/3 Light and 2/3... I mean 2/3 Light and 1/3 Darkness. It's like a counterbalance, the ying and yang thing. But the Lightness, it's more Light than it is Dark and it's not always exactly in balance. What he was describing is that he needed me to DO some things, to keep the balance of Light up because if they're aren't people doing 'Light' things then the balance gets too wonkered and it gets too dark and it's like GAME OVER -- everybody goes home, it's DONE. And he has to... he can not... I mean, people call him the Devil. How can a guy be the Devil who wants good things to happen, you know, that wants 'Light' things to happen, that wants Love, kindness, joy? (keep reading)
the motive is totally insincere, you know what I mean? [Wayne: Right ] It's just because he wants to prove that he's better, you know, than the Light. He says, Look. I got all these people that come down here... trillions of souls, spirits... they all come down here... they line up.
and he showed me how I can influence the world in a positive way, meaning Light. And he didn't say the word 'positive' okay, that's MY words. Okay, he's saying he needs me to do this. (demiurge needs pawn/false light)

Wayne: He just wants the system perpetuated. He wants to keep it going otherwise it's GAME OVER [Guest: yeah,] and his system wasn't so good to begin with, or something? Guest: Imagine him. He creates tension. He creates tension between me and you. Between me and the Catholics. Me and the Baptists. Me and the Muslims. Me and the Communists. He creates the tension to create the waves, you know what I mean?
And he showed me that it's HIS game and if I want to participate I've got to agree to do what he says. And you know what that means? He showed me what that means.



''He tells the story of his failure [Wayne: Failure?] Yeah, and why would he do that? He ultimately concedes. He's in a chess game and he starts losing and when he starts losing... and I'll tell you when -- there's going to be a period of Darkness and he showed me this. Now this is a little bit different how he showed me. Okay, I saw at least three books -- two of them, they blend together somehow. However, one of them I literally saw from a camera outside the Earth, a fixed camera, like it never moves. And it's there. And from this fixed camera I saw the Earth pop up there and then I saw it go through different phases. First it was really beautiful. It wasn't completely light, but it was beautiful, pristine. Then it starts to get a little darker, it gets lighter. That 2/3 balance thing he's showing me how good of a game he's played, what a good chess player he is, right? He's showing me how he manipulates things. When things get a little bit out of whack over here, he lets more Light in, more of your Light folks, those folks who do Light things like love, kindness, joy, compassion, mercy. He starts letting more of THOSE in, right, because he wants to keep his little chess game going [Wayne: Like a juggling act almost ] Yeah, and so he's doing this and then there's the ones that are pulling DOWN and they're like the spirits that cling to us, okay. So all the while you think he's Mr. Nice Guy -- no way!

''Okay, I think God split up and I think what God the Light created was a lesser aspect of... of... HERself... I want to say Herself in that that Lightthat I saw in heaven felt more FEMININE than masculine... maybe that's too strong. You know, it's too strong to say 'feminine', but it was less [ Wayne: Not if that's the way you experienced it ] Well, you know, masculine to me is this abusive Father that I see in my religion as opposed to this loving Divine kind being that never ever changes.
Wayne: But you experienced the Demiurge as a male? Guest: Yeah, it was male. It was and he was trying to show me how his game was better than the Light game. you know, you go up there [Wayne: Was he convincing at all? He makes a good presentation?] He made a good presentation, you know, because I signed up, didn't I? I came back.
Wayne: In order to come here did you have to agree... you were talking about some kind of agreements.
Guest: Oh, yeah. Imagine if you were a computer programmer and they have statements called IF-THEN-ELSE statements. Imagine that if there's this one plan that he shows you and if you do ALL of THIS, everything you dream of will come true and it will be more or less painless and you'll walk through life and you'll be, you know, the savior of the world, right, and yet you get to be the hero, you know? Wayne: Really? That's what the main plan was... you get to be... he's like appealing to your ego... you'll be the savior, the hero kind of thing?
Guest: NO.

*So this demiurge fails in the end but keeps hell on earth going because he likes his game....he's a contract kinda guy, and its all to serve him. Where I come from this does not exist............. contracts are not universally normal, nor of Light, its a demiurge thing.

Guest: He's admitting he fails. [Wayne: Does he? ] He DID. And why would he do that except that he's saying, "look" [Wayne: He admitted that he failed in showing you how the game ends?] Right. He fails with his 2/3 Light strategy. It doesn't work. Eventually... [Wayne: Why is that?] Because the world gets out of control. Wayne: People start refusing to come back and play the game? Guest: Yeah. yeah.
Wayne: They're not reincarnating? Guest: They don't want to reincarnate or whatever you want to call it. They won't sign the contracts anymore. Whenever you're a chess player... I'm a chess player, okay... and if I'm playing against a computer and I know I'm going to lose and I'm behind a piece, I might as well quit.


*And here he talks about the manipulations, or what we are calling ''psychic attacks'' and ''matrix agents'' or ''organic portals'' that are all sent in for the pulling down of Light....so the 2/3 of us does not succeed nor increase......
interesting how this guest understands this ''game'' I dont see this as a game, I see it as a creational atrocity of psychopathic insanity, illogical. Contracts, game-think, think-tank types, ''balance keepers'', ''gate-keepers'', ''controlling men/demiurges/men-in-black'' etc...all the traits of aberrations, not of Spirit.
''You start listening to your intuitions and sometimes your intuitions are NOT RIGHT THOUGH because sometimes they're pulling DOWN... they're pulling DOWN and that's that... if you talk about that Demiurge, the guy with the brassy face, flaming eyes... he doesn't ALWAYS want you to do good because he doesn't want to mess it up the OTHER way, you see what I'm saying because it's GAME OVER for HIM. you see? It's GAME OVER for him either way. If the balance gets too bright, he loses. If the balance gets too dark, he loses. He has to keep it in that happy medium. So if you're really going to change the world, he's going to come against you. Wayne: So it's perfectly balanced Is 50% sustainable? Guest: No, it's 2/3... 66 and 2/3 is perfect for him [Wayne: But you were saying if it gets.. ] too low. If it gets below 50 percent, then who wants to play in a world where you don't know whether you're going to live or die today.

''I saw everything, but I'm not allowed to remember it. And why... and here's what I wanna know: why would he let me remember this whole thing? It's because he wants us to know. Otherwise, he wouldn't have told us. He wouldn't have told me and I wouldn't be telling you if he didn't want me to. If it was like GAME OVER for him, he wouldn't want me to, you know what I'm saying? if it's going to pull things either way... if it's really going to make a difference, if it's really going to change the world in such a big way that it either pulls the whole world down into Chaos or it lifts it up out and it doesn't happen...because he doesn't want that.


''There ARE people pulling uP and that's the reason why everytime you see something really awesome and it seems like it's going to get off the ground, everybody's gong to get behind it and all of a sudden, water gets thrown all over.... they end up calling them 'crackpots' or whatever...'ridiculous'. Their intention was right. They were going along and then they get discredited, humiliated. The Media comes out and blasts them and then it just dies.''

Wayne: I was just gonna say, yeah, the Media has so much power to try and control a lot of the masses thinking, but with the Internet and some podcasts and the freedom -- who knows how long we'll have it -- but there IS a window of opportunity there for us to reach out and get hold of some people -- alternative Media, basically.
Guest: Yeah, it's kind of like an aspirin though, you know what I mean by it being an aspirin -- alternative media, the Internet, things like that because it stops us from doing REAL things. I mean, I do it. I'm just as guilty as everbody else because I want to know more. I wanna know what's coming, but how we act is diminished sometimes by it. I'm not saying it CAN'T be a powerful force. It's good, but it can't ALL be done behind a microphone and it can't ALL be done on a web site. It has to be incoprorated into our inside of us and THAT is like what creates the waves. I'm not saying a website can't, because it DOES. In fact, those vibrations? They go out and they go out across the entire universe.

Guest: That wave that I Was talking about. [Wayne: Yeah, the wave. ] My great sadness though is that I could do my VERY best and then they're going to send in the counters... you know, the pulling down. They'll pull down your family. They'll pull down whatever you're working on. If you're working on something that's REALLY cool, they'll try to drag you down in another area to keep you from REALLY accomplishing that absolutely transformational thing. And they'll drag you down and they'll hurt you and they'll hurt the people around you. And when they hurt the people around you that are not spiritually like there -- full blown, I've got my protections out. I know what's coming. I can hear the voice of the, the ... I can literally.. if I go and listen, for example, at church I don't even have to know their language and know what they're saying is either sounds like the Light or it sounds like the Demiurge. It either sounds like Love or it sounds like this 2/3 god that people call God.

Wayne: You don't remember how exactly that happened. I mean, was it a revolution or war? Did you see the transition?
Guest: I saw the Darkness, then I saw the Light completely covering the Earth. The Light finally goes through unshielded. The Demiurge, as you called him, just completely gives up. He says, "I lose -- GAME OVER. You won. No more people are coming here anymore." But the remnant -- there will be a remnant -- the remnant will Wayne: So we all won't just go back to Heaven at that point? [Guest: No.] GAME OVER. Earth over... GO back to Heaven. We'll actually have a beautiful...
Guest: Well, people will start coming back whenever the Earth gets wiped out. And, you know, there's all kinds of horrible, awful people who want to kill, most the planet. And they're trying to bring this on. And all I can tell you is that their intentions even though they have two intentions. Their one intention is because the Earth needs to have the population reduced. But the other intention is nefarious -- killing people is not good but they have this dual, bipolar mentality that makes them think that what they're doing is good when in fact it is the polar opposite. If you're poisoning children so that there won't be as much children on the Earth, shame on you. I'm sorry, there's gotta be a better way to do it than poisoning them and killing them.

Wayne: Yeah, that's one of the problems I have with... that's THE biggest problem I have with reincarnational system is how can you grow and learn if you don't remember what you're being rewarded or punished for? You don't remember your past life, right? Now maybe in the spirit world you've got lessons and classes... but while we're HERE we don't remember.
Guest: Well, it's kind of spiritual muscle memory. I think that we gain some, but then depending upon what we do, right out of the box we start crying for our mom's tit and then we get jealous whenever she doesn't give it to us and so right off the bat we're already creating that separation. And then the mom gets tired of the child's crying and puts them out of the room, closes the door. There's so much that we think we can work our way through, but we're not living inside of that little baby. Honestly, I think it's too hard. It disgusts me, the wars that we're in. I know that my own country is bombing women, children that didn't mean us harm. In fact, they like us, some of them, that we're killing. Wow, you're just bombing somebody that was waiting for you to save them, and yet you're bombing them. How's that good?

Wayne: So what happens at the very end?

Guest: Oh, wow. You know, this is probably the longest interview I've ever gone through [Wayne: 3 hours ] but I think it's important to say what happens at the very end. At the very end the whole Earth explodes and there's nothing that takes its place -- the camera stays there until the end of Time. So everybody who thinks the new world is right here. It ain't. The world that we're creating is the world that we're going to have and the one that we rebuild is going to be the one we have. so we ought to be trying to save it instead of hurting it. And there IS an end though. Whenever the world ends, there's a last day for this Earth and internally it just blows up. And the souls -- those orbs of Light I talked about, the ones that were Costa Rica, the ones that were brilliant, singing, joyful -- they go out, splinter out all over the universe and they're like starseeds. They seed the galaxies and the Universe with human beings who actually survived up to that point. They're complete souls. They're filled full of Light and they lived outstanding lives. The World blows up though and the thing is: People think that it's never going to end. Time ends... and it DOES end. And when it DOES end we're going to get to see our stories -- and our stories are important. And I think we ought to create a Love Story, that's what I think. Now that story that I told you, it sounded like War and Peace, but -- it was three hours long -- but I think that it needed to be told and I don't know if it gets told in one setting . But I did what I could for 3 hours. I saw a lot more than THAT.

Wayne: That's a BEAUTIFUL ending. (! seriously Wayne!?) That's like worthy of an Oscar. You talk about motion pictures. When we watch this back it's going to be... people are really going to be cheering for that. Anything else you wanna add? I guess we can start wrapping up.

http://www.trickedbythelight.com/tbtl/nde-transcript.html

​audio here: ​You can Right-click on one of the two following links and save either a HI-FI MP3 (166 MB) of the interview or a LO-FI MP3 (83 MB) version.





Serena, Lady of the Woods 
http://serenaladyofthewoods.blogspot.com/

Friday, December 18, 2015

Of Looshe, Archontic Tactics and Matrix Agents

*I've made a special "Note" below.

Hi everyone.

I'm up at the ungodly hour of 4;30 because I just don't want to keep dreaming. It has to do with this discussion going on via email right now.

I've been trying to do serious reassessments as I said, after the jury duty demonic notice and its effects upon this household, and I am not being feeble about this. It was a game changer for me, no choice about it. Some things about my due process here I can remember will write about, this is one for a tea or coffee, if you please. I will wait. :-)

I've been reading about how those entities and such eat our energies, looshe its called, whether it be negative or positive. I don't know. I found it hard to believe energy can be 'food', I still feel this is some kind of human concept, but I am playing with it. It is widely accepted but I still need to come to my 'knowledge' on my own.

The other day the article by Elva came in and I slapped my hand down, 'that's it, I'm tired of hearing this, (earth as looshe farm)  if there is some truth to this then there will be a clue in the name 'Garden of Eden' somewhere and I will find it now'.

So I looked.....if the gods created this earth as a habitat or garden for their food source and humanity for their food, then their name for their garden will have some clue. Even if humans think the garden is created for them, in a sense it was like a den for pigs, so let them believe it and glorify it if they must, say the gods with a smirk. I looked into the words of ''Garden of Eden''...... 'Garden' I know, so I looked into the etymology of 'Eden' and sure enough I found an old hebrew meaning ''edible delicacy''. So there it was. This earth is a garden of edible delights, but for the gods, not humans. And haven't they been saying this all along? Like the term ''to serve man''.......is a double entendre, has two meanings. This seemed to add a dimension of confirmation for me.

I'm not entirely convinced we are purely a food source because it just hurts too much to think that and I would, like they say, just kill myself, if we all knew this.

I came in knowing something else of someplace else and that was home and filled with the grandest of dignities and liberation as so natural, as of Gods ourselves but in the humblest of loving ways eternally. This I can never forget nor would I want to.


But this earth.....! is something and someplace else.


I went to bed contemplating all this as a concept trying to piece everything together. At the same time, whether playing with this concept of ''humanity as a pure food source'' was a path to truth or a path to an treasonous archontic meme, I would find out but there was a good that came of this and that is my decision to disconnect from being a loosh source, and this would take yet some more diligence on my part which I turned on brilliantly now, was on constantly, monitoring my thoughts, their quality, their 'source' and their feeling responses/reactions. I found myself discovering how much I'd been feeling intensely for so long which I already knew as not healthy due to no resolution to those things I fought for, but that the egregious unnatural constant replay of those triggering thoughts/topics/missions even as I tried to shut them off choosing another path of thinking, was suspicious more than ever.


SO I am trying to teach myself detachment of the highest order due to this looshe factor alone, and some oriental training of some other lifetime coming into play thank goodness. And this is what happened 2 days ago.


I am about and doing my dailies with mindfulness and being in the moment. I am vigilant, watching. I am seeing the thoughts, the replays, the cording and removing all day long like pulling weeds. I am on a mission. I go to bed thinking of lovely things I spent the evening doing online, and with inspiration of creativity for days to follow. I am trying to sew a jacket I saw in my minds eye and loved and since I do not really know how to sew, I have to figure it out in such a way as to make no mistakes to ruin the fabric. I've been successful often, but this time I keep making bad mistakes to the point of tears, as ruining fabric I cannot replace is not an option and I do need to feel my brain and intelligence is still functioning to my benefit, but I am tortured by flying planes grinding the air around and around for hours and I cannot think. I forego this for a while to clear up.


I am jogging again not just walking and this is increasing my energy and I am feeling much less physical pains and limber again...(all thanks to the kefir which I have no idea still how those probiotics so affected my hip joints, but that is what it is and the agony was taken away by drinking kefir. Johns mom also started drinking it after I told her and her problems in her feet prohibiting her walking much is getting better and so are her hips too, so probiotics affect people in weak areas. Just sayin' here folks, in case any others in pain may find relief in something so simple! which I wrote about in my other blog here ).


So I go to bed with my head and heart feeling nice, creative, juicy. I wake up to the feeling of pressure on my chest and not able to breathe. Fall back asleep. I wake up to archontic dreamings, just discordant stuff but is so weird that it wakes me up with its alien nature so diametrically opposed to me, my self and how I felt going to sleep. Went back to sleep to wake up again cogent to weirdness, aware of the infiltrating of my dreams, clearly. Took note, went back to sleep, and again. I took note of the weirdness even as I was dreaming! woke up and remembered the pictures enforced in my world. One was of a car I was in being driven on a highway, and there was possibility of a wrong move causing a terrible accident and I was on guard, it was close but I cautioned the driver gently to make this move here and we were good, avoided the thing, but the car behind to the right was archontically driven and they went up on the ramps into the air and turned over and were about to fall/roll upon us and I woke up again seeing how I deflected the negativity of the dream but something else caused it on their end, intended for me. Went back to sleep and again another....this happened at least 5 times. The final wake up I decided not to sleep anymore too disturbed by the dreaming attacks and the obvious interference over and over so I got up.


Had a headache and terrible backache which I haven't had for the months since drinking kefir and kombucha so this was weird. I dressed for a jog anyway. Got ready, drank my matcha, then was ready to go out but could not as the pains were telling me this was not healthy. But I had the suspicions the pains were not real, not mine, but inflicted and that if I forced the jog, it would reveal itself, as the fake ones tend to fall away. I took note of the pains in my back, legs and the headache and decided pounding the pavement was not good and I felt like lying down. This also felt like manipulation. I would do so only to let the first aspirins I've taken in many weeks take effect then I would push through the pains and see what was what. This is what I did. Shortly in 5 minutes I decided to just push through and went for the jog. I focused on my aerobics. The pains did slip away. They were not real, not mine. This is quite amazing how the pains in ones body are felt so acutely but the cause is not the body or person, but external. This must be monitored more often by people and disease and sickness and pains must be treated first as spiritual attack then medically. I stand by this!


I returned from the jog and went into the sauna as is routine. Showered and felt clean but now nauseous, something else I am not prone to.

What I find interesting is all the signs for psychic attack are present....nightmares, odd intense pains, nausea, things going wrong repeatedly, people acting badly, headaches, not being able to breath, feeling pressure on the chest, unexplained aches and tiredness, dreams of being attacked, bruises, etc, and I had them all at the same time. What is annoying is ''experts'' say, awareness of the attack diminishes it, I haven't found this to be true. They also say, the attacked has invited it in, willfully and consensual, and I adamantly say this is not true either. Especially since most of this happens while I'm sleeping, then I say WTF?!!! I neither want to be psychically attacked with any of the aforementioned symptoms, I do not consent, nor do I fear it to bring it on, nor do I feel I am a vibrational match to the sickness of attacking someone and making them sick, I would not do that, I am a healer if anything. So all that is bogus and until someone can come up with explanations that are scientifically repeatable and work for all the people, then I would ask them to please keep their erroneous beliefs to themselves and stop giving out nonsense.  I will accede to my energy field being maybe broken or torn through many traumas in life but those were not my doing either as I neither asked for men to come after me with guns, or for any to try to kill me in all their iniquitous ways I could never imagine and so my energy field is in disrepair and I do not know how to repair it. And healing from too many traumas may take more than one lifetime or efficacious healers which I have not yet met. And if all this is merely the shadow of me showing up attacking me for the purpose of ''presenting to me the unhealed wounds'' then I say this is a demonstration of demonic control and I can think of several ways that are infinitely more healing to showing areas needing healing than to continually and repeatedly do further damage! In other words, you are hurting and so the universe conspires to keep sending you those sick bastards to keep hurting you to ''show you'' that you are still hurting. This is like a person injured in an accident who goes to the hospital and they insert salt into the wounds or arsenic poisoning into your wounds and say "see? you have a wound there!" and this makes sense only in a diabolical world and makes sense only to the psychopaths who believe it. I feel wounds need care, not further wounding.

These things seemed to confirm a ton of interference for me just now and it was clearly amped up and this would make sense of the looshe thing and the timing as I was putting this directly to the test, and that whatever it was ''feeding'' on me was trying to make sure its food was not diminished!..... and I wondered for the thousandth time if this was just me for some reason or if every single person born on this planet is targeted in such a way. I also had a new thought, that there is something, someone some entity/s who are particularly plugged into me and give me those thoughts that replay with such emotions as the response, and that my passions or 'causes' I've taken up in life, while worthy and just, were 'given' to me to provide such emotional food for them? I decided yet again, I would no longer provide this and I had to go deep into places I don't tread much within myself to find the dislocation place, the disconnect from the source. Now theres a thought eh? to disconnect from the gods, the source. I found some success with this.


Now lets see what happens.

And so, the forces creep in with what seems to be, to any sleuth detective paying attention, with backup stealth tactics which seem to be all perfectly set up for them, I notice. And this time it is the matrix agent I live with who is a special mix of detachments to the point of disgusting negligence, and passivity that can be misinterpreted as a quiet or peace by onlookers, but is actually a creepy type of silence that is filled with moroseness instead of peace, platitudinous instead of placidness. There is a darkness there born of a 'woe is me and the world is fucked'-ness mixed with something else I cannot name, and I am telling you there is nothing peacefully quiet about this energy at all. It is an uncomfortable void.


I have to be careful around this person to not speak more than 4 minutes at a time for he begins to glaze over and step from one foot to the next indicating he is in pain and needs to move or walk, away..... his body language for telling me he's not there to listen to me. But since I literally have no one to speak to at all for the last 15 years, I speak to him knowing he is short on attention and interest and I must speak in short sentences, succinct and to the point, and only of very simple topics. At the same time as simple and mediocre are the topics he tends to forget the brief conversation and far too often I must repeat myself to him at some point. This is cause for madness on my end. The 4 minute expiration doesn't always work for me, he's never interested, nor does he ask questions for clarity what he doesn't understand. I test him sometimes, 'do you understand what I just said?' ... "no". He just doesn't care and merely tolerates my speaking....short as it is. I find this situation a curse, that I live already quietly as a self appointed urban monk and dont' speak often for days, and when I do it must be cut short by gross and dull contact.


So this matrix agent steps up to serve the matrix as I'm gaining on disconnecting myself as a source of loosh from my obvious and self appointed causes.


I found myself repeating myself to him this morning explaining something to him which involves him as it is about the aspirin we both take. I used to use exedrin for my headaches/migraines, but they don't make the tablets anymore and the caplets are a completely different thing which don't work. We I had to find another source and since this day I need some pain killers I thought to buy the aspirin, acetominaphin and caffeine that was the exedrin formula separately, and was explaining this to the 'agent' as he needs to know too since he takes them more than I do and complains they don't work. I repeated myself later out of habit because not only does he usually forget what I have taken great pains to explain in short time with simple words but I wanted to explain why he needed to know the plan as he takes the stuff too. I walked away to hear him mumbling in ''sssssss'' snakelike sounding hisses, and him standing there rolling his eyes. I asked him what he said, he says ''nothing''. I clearly saw and heard this so asked again, and he realized he could not get away with this one so he said 'you told me this before'. And I said 'yes I did but I am in the habit of repeating myself because you tend to forget everything'. So I reminded him of how often he forgets and he realized it was true, and my repeating was something we literally set up for him not to forget things. I should mention I loathe repeating myself to anyone about anything.


However it was brought home to me yet again, how much painstaking caution I live with, not for a worthy cause but for a slothful one, the eggshells I walk on interacting with this agent. This is torture that my brain and intellect should cower to a dull witted agent who I don't even speak with on a daily basis in this house we share. I must say though he is not a bad person and by no means evil, but there is something evil that he entertains with lackadaisical allowance. Its draining.


So......as I disconnect from the looshe of my chosen ''passions'' and ''causes'' in life, the (backup) agent is then activated and I find myself seeing this and feeling all that looshe 'stuff' then feeling myself closing down, as obviously this agent didn't want to hear me speaking again, (I'd reached my quota earlier) and I realized I needed to keep quiet even more often as dialog is not welcome.

Then I feel bad.

Looshe.

And I see a pattern.

And a set up.

And I see the farm. And the looshe is clearly a constant. And I realize, if I do not sterilize my feelings, emotions and be something I never wanted to be as I cherish my feelings and emotions, but if I do not sterilize their cause, cut the cords, I will be a constant source for the future. The past is done, and for 56 years I've been their source and I can tell you I no longer want to be and I am willing to forego my life, soul, existence to stop this. Not give it away, but take it away, destroy it myself, but no longer have it as someones sustenance or delicacy, that my life, feelings and emotions are totally a set up for farming a particular flavor of looshe, makes me sick and I would rather cease to exist.

I go to bed feeling bad at all of this, how could I not.

So a severe form of detachment needs to take place of the very feeling body I've had and loved all these years.

I feel myself beginning the shutdown of my self and life as I knew it, all for the sake of cutting off the food of something else which is darker and nastier than I can even bear to think, that my lack of existence in any form is preferable to me.

I awoke this morning to the same type of dreamscaping of the other night, every kind of torturous annoying petty nonsensical thing taking place with me as the center/receiver..... but these began immediately upon retiring early around 8:30 pm all the way to this morning....so disturbing I'd rather not sleep anymore and rose at 4;30am.

If ''they'' do not want this awareness made public then ''they'' are disturbing the wrong person. I am somehow suspecting this attack came before I decided to write this, in fact, when I was determined to find out the etymology of "Eden".

I will not be silenced. I want others to hear of these oddities and consider their lives. Life is stranger than any fiction, and in fact the truths are hidden and are the most ridiculed, ludicrous. Time proven. Live long enough and this is brought to Light.

Is this happening to anyone else? 
Please write to me, and spare me no details and no fear of taking more than 4 minutes of my time. ;-) We must talk about these things and bring them to the fore, expose and exterminate.


All this, ''if'' the looshe theory is correct and everything is proving it to be. In fact I would say it is definitely happening, but is it the whole picture?

Yet I must use numinous caution. Often, 99% of something may appear to be just that, appearance. In fact 99% of all mystery novels and movies and shows are based upon this.....the obvious and everything points to the one thing, all evidence to one thing, and yet it is the always the odd 1% that is the culprit.

So I must apply prudence. Though the looshe theory is appearing to be what is at work, and I will keep my due diligence on this, and all that causes me to feel/react/respond, from my own chosen passions to the agents who infiltrate to the manipulated dreamscapes, I still must keep an eye towards the minor unforeseen.


And what that is I don't know.


Maybe the hologram has evolved itself into a new octave, that not just produces what we are thinking and feeling, but has now the ability to foresee what we can think and feel and is producing things before we think and feel them. Maybe it doesn't even need us for thoughts anymore for what is new under the sun? nothing, and so it can manufacture ''realities'' without us. That this reality is seeming to appear to be a creation that is not quite ours, but a predicated plausibility manifested by a manipulated holographic universal intel seems real.


Maybe, what is taking place is not ours at all, but something/someone else's, creating all this chess game, moving the pieces that are us.....as they have shown those gods doing, zeus and all his minions, archons, aliens, priests, etc.....still at work here. Maybe others got in on the act here on Earth, finding such a free source of energies. None of these are new queries, but up an octave in my personal world to the degree they are no longer ideas but realities which need response.


I know one thing. I will not be food, looshe, manipulated at their will. I will watch and be vigilant, diligent of myself and all my life has been, all the passions I've had, the causes and concerns and fights taken up monitored, and though all my lovely feelings are cherished, I will not provide them up on a dish to anything or anyone else. They are mine and mine alone. I will find my Will, and My Will be Done. The divinity I feel is within my Will.


Only my will makes me a sovereign being.

*Note: I've had people wondering how and why I would reveal so much intimate emotional process in writing or otherwise as if intimacy and emotions are something I should keep private and secret. I would say yes if it warrants that in personal relationship but when it concerns all people and things the esoteric world is trying to hide to our detriment, I am all about exposing and revealing all including personal processes. We don't have time for secrets or half truths bullshit, do we?! I find the ''privacy and secrecy'' is precisely what keeps people in the dark about each other, the world, realities, etc. Because of this silence of ''politeness'' or ''conservatism'' so much has been falsely presented, people become fake, fake images presented to others while something else entirely is beneath and what is hidden festers, and I will have none of that. It is that fakeness I have been given by most people on this planet and I find it not only lacking in integrity but anything lacking in authenticity and pure honesty is fakeness that is not accidental but intended and I find intended falsehoods appalling in character, spirit and psychically. I am not that way, never have been and never will be and I do not entertain it from anyone either. This contributes to the few who enter my life as it freaks them out that I can see inside them and know the truth of them they are trying to hide, and that I can be so transparent and without fear or shame. I have nothing to hide and I am shamed of nothing. And that is why my posts are so raw, honest and real. Even reading from the privacy of your corner of your world it makes you uncomfortable, but ce la vie, it is on you, your discomfort. I am real and always will be.....raw, and transparent. Honest and clean.

Serena, Lady of the Woods
http://serenaladyofthewoods.blogspot.com/