Forgiving and Sending A Draco to Source

I mentioned in my first entry that this blog is not for the feint of heart nor for the closed minded or cynic and this post is one such. Though in the ''spirit'' of ''fringe'' could be germinal truth.

I wake up most mornings with a feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach, it is horrible and often I do not know the cause. I feel gripped tightly by something that will not let go. It is distinctly a gripping feeling and it is there 24/7. I have a hard time breathing with this, I cannot do anything, nor can I live my daily life doing daily chores because I feel so sick. I have been (erroneously) told it is my own self due to my own thoughts and negativity.

I do have an ongoing ''trauma/issue/pain'' of such a magnitude for my personal being, for my personal Spiritual makeup and sense of what it means to be humane, that I am still, after 13 years having to ''deal'' with it and I do not 'deal' most days very well. I have tried to forgive and move on and to do all those things people tell you, even taking ''healings'' from various people in various ways from implant removals to Holographic Kinetics which have done absolutely nothing for me. I am still plagued.

My immediate concern and priority has been to first get myself together so that I can function in a peaceful and humane manner and then to extend that to others because I am not built to live as a single entity unto myself, I am intrinsically and symbiotically connected to other humans and to Life.....so I must find out how to heal myself, to be free and clear inside, filled with Peace and then to extend that or emanate that out to the world.

Anyone who is reading this is probably aware that we (humans) are not alone and that there are many forces, agencies, powers and principalities, entities, etc etc etc who are also in this ''game'' (a term/concept I detest) and who easily influence humans from our inner thoughts to our external circumstances in the physical world in which we live. And if you are reading this you are looking for insights and I believe I may have one today.

Yesterday morning I woke up with the usual mysterious dread (fear, apprehension, trepidation, anxiety, worry, concern, foreboding, disquiet, unease, angst) in the pit of my stomach, a sickening feeling which instigates more hurtful feelings but I am sick of feeling sick and do not want it anymore. This dread feels so foreign, so unnatural to me and regardless of how things have panned out in my life completely antithetical to my own plans and desires, I still want to be a free minded and spirited being.
So I wake up and feel this sickness and grip of ''threat'', but before I opened my eyes I went inside to the area where I feel this sourced which is my abdomen and what I call the 2nd brain as our intuition, gut instincts etc are located there and this tells me we have another brain there, and I tried to ''see'' into what it is (for the zillionth time) and to discover what I can to heal it or get rid of it whatever works.
In the spirit of ''whatever works'' I have done as mentioned all the healing modalities I have been exposed to and told about to no avail.
I felt into this area, quickly scanned my history of dealing with this dread and 'forgiveness, forgetting, loving, letting go' etc which have all been done numerous times fell to zero and just knew it was time for something I haven't done.

When nothing you have done works, then you must do something different, whether you believe in it or not, just to test other theories as to the cause, because if you really, really want to be rid of something or cure or heal it, you must investigate everything and that is what I do. I keep going until something works. When it works, then I have not only helped myself, but have learned something crucial about life, my Self, and the energetics of humans and/with others.
Despite beliefs I acquired knowledge.

So I had to go to those other ''theories'' and test them and do something I did not want to do nor did I totally believe in and here is where the magic lies, yet again. Everything we are told to not believe in......well.......I have learned several times the hard knocks way, that they all do in fact exist and not only that, those particular things seems to have the upper hand in most of our lives due mostly to the fact that we do not believe in them nor want to.

So this morning I decided to play with a theory of entities being inside us. I decided to talk to those entity/s who ''they say'' are inside us, manipulating our feelings, and creating all kinds of negativity and pain and suffering, because apparently that is their job. I have experienced thoughts which came in from outside but I thought I was clear of entities who live inside me. Who can believe this, right? I am speaking of reptilians and dracos. I have been reading of them for many years now and though I have come to see ubiquitous evidence of their deeds and workings it is still hard to believe. Really.

But this morning I decided to act upon this. I felt the dread in my abdomen, I felt the unrelenting grip of my core. I imagined a draco who may be the cause of this dread and sickness in me, and stood it in front of me. In this moment I had no energy to be angry or anything like that, I felt too defeated to feel such strong feelings, and just wanting this grip upon me to release me so I can breathe! I see him in front of me and wanted to be the power of this moment, despite my current beat up feelings I wanted to be the one to call this shot. I told him I forgive you, now I send you to "Source" (all consuming beneficent one). I imagined a light taking him away, and he was gone.

Within 2 seconds I felt the release of this grip in my gut, and a deep sigh ensued with my entire body. I saw in my minds eye in that area a hole surrounded by an intense glowing light, which I still don't know what it means, but the light around it informed me there was healing energy there. I turned over to my back and simply felt what my body was feeling and it was a luxuriant release and I was basking in it, taking it in, as I felt myself returning to my natural ''ungripped'' free flowing state of being, breathing deeply, able to take deep breaths for the first time in a week. I marveled.
I lie in bed for maybe 20 minutes when I realized I was really clear. I was clear! and got up and walked around. Am I really feeling this? Am I truly? It is already many minutes now and this feeling of being released is still consistent and wonderful. I walked outside and tested myself. I thought of those ''issues'' I have and while I can think of them, they did not grip me with dread. I tested my mind to see if I could merely conjure up the dread by thinking of them, (tricky business!) and because my will truly does not want dread despite the issues, I could not conjure up the feeling, so my mind was not the one producing it. Those ''issues'' I have were not the cause of the dread otherwise I could have brought all those feelings back by thinking of them. I even went so far as to imagining various themes of them, but my will didn't want the sickening dread and so it didn't happen. This is as it should be!

I slowly walked around my gardens and took in all the flowers and such which I do every morning but the grip was gone. I was feeling limp, exactly like when one is released, and like I was recovering from a beating. I knew I could relax now and so I began to tend to some gardening and it was so good to be able to move and do things normally again. I started watering the front garden and one thing led to another and I gardened really hard for 7 hours. All day long I kept checking in with myself, to feel this freedom, this absence of the ''grip'' and dread and it was consistently gone, the feeling of threat gone. I was peaceful the entire day. I kept testing and checking my inner landscapes for all those thoughts that can turn my gut, but nothing did.
I gardened hard.
I had Zen moments too, halfway through the day, I saw the herb bed was parched and plants wilting from this harsh Florida sun so I set the water sprinkler onto it. And watching the medicine of water upon the plants, and seeing those wilted pale green plants become emerald green with droplets falling from their leaves and feeling the parched Earth sigh with relief of receiving the water, I felt all was well in the world. All was good.

Now it is 24 hours later and still I am still free and clear of the ''grip'' of terror and the dread feeling is gone. I even had pleasurable dreams in which I was taken in the ocean in a water ride by some expert women "ocean players" through huge waves of oceans, almost tsunami's but playing with them and we had a blast. After coming back from that someone made me laugh hysterically with his humor. When I woke up this morning I was still free of the dread, and still testing this by thinking of my issues, I was not feeling anything terrible. I could think of them without reacting. The dread is gone.

Sooooooo......
What am I to make of this? It seems I have discovered the problem was not me. Once again. There is a persecuting population out there even in the ''world of healing'' that wants to make us out to be the cause of all terror and pain and suffering. I am finding, consistently, the opposite. (Typical I am running against the grain of 90% of the rest of the world).
I have tested and tested many modalities of healing and systems, and philosophies etc, from ''you create your own reality'' bullshit......(I have books to write on that one!) to healing with forgiveness....but where? forgive who?......to Holographic Kinetics which removes spirits or entities who got into you because you ''play their game''....more pernicious bullshit......telling you ''you invited them in''  because you at some point felt sympathy or compassion for something, or didn't ''want to be here anymore'' or you asked god to please send you a friend.....or because of something your ancestors did, that such feelings from compassion to loneliness means ''invitation for possession''. Then there are Christian memes which say that all icons are demonic or that even piercing your ears brings in demons into your body. Then there's Theta Healing and Reiki which I became certified in,  to regressive therapy.........I can't keep track of everything I've tried. All the accepted and popular modalities I'm sure work on different people for different issues, but they do not work for all people all the time. Even the same person will need different modalities of healing or therapy or treatment to effect a cure for different situations.
And while I am sure all of these modalities mentioned work for some people some times, none of them worked for me at any time! And there are those tricky spots, those difficult ones, that no one seems to be able to get to, not even the most professed ''successful'' ''healer''......most of whom are unaffordable.
And this requires going to the unthinkable, to the deep end of things, to the unbelievable, to the unknown, the outrageous, the ''impossible''....... right? if you want to be healed you WILL try anything....you are no longer in a position to say what is true or not, what will or what will not work, and NO one can tell you either what is going to work for you or not.
Beliefs and opinions become merely distractions or obstacles to exposing any truths and to discovering what is trying to remain hidden. ALL must be put on the shelf and one must disarm themselves of any and all things which may interfere with the intended outcome which is to be free of the sickness or ailment. Suspend all beliefs and opinions. Experiment and test and retest. That is what I did. And something worked.

I have found the most powerful illuminating question to be ..... ''What if......."

Now I must consider all the ''crazy'' stuff about reps and dracos. I did read somewhere which I found ludicrous even within the fringe, is that some of those dark entities want to be healed. Imagine that.
Have I stumbled upon, in my desperation and being a minority on this planet, that something so very bizarre even within the bizarre realms, is true?

What if......there are dark entities, who have been for millennia harassing and tormenting humans through their incredible psychic abilities?  For what reason do they do this? And is it even remotely possible that some of them would want to stop? why would they now want to be redeemed?

I am going to take this fringe even further and express something else now, that could be my own imagination or not, not sure.
I thought, while I was in the kitchen preparing food that draco had returned, but not to cause me dread but that he didn't go back to Source as I had sent him, but back to his personal boss. He said he was under orders from his boss who made him/them do these things to people and if he did stop tormenting me/us, that he/they would be excruciatingly tormented themselves by their boss, but that going to Source would mean he/they would cease to exist.....not reincarnated or anything like that but that he would turn to nothing, to dust....and he didn't want that.

I do not know what to make of this....was it a conversation or my imagination? subconscious revealing something I need to see?

All I know is that I am free of the dread and grip and something I had a very hard time contemplating and considering as a ''normal'' persons thoughts, has worked to give me release.

I wonder, wonder deeply at this world we live in and at all the energies that flow through us, despite our beliefs that our skins and bones are some kind of barrier. What lives inside us and around us? and why?